Beware of the monsters at UTM

As kids, we looked forward to Halloween because it meant a night of magical, mischievous adventure. Disguised as witches and superheroes and animals of various sorts, we scoured our neighbourhoods in search for goodies galore.

In high school, we looked forward to it because it meant adorning some cat ears or an officer’s hat, and sneaking out to go to our first unsupervised teenager party.

In university, Halloween is a different story. We’ve grown too tall, and sprouted too much facial hair to be considered kids. And yet, we are too young to stay in and hand out candy. But don’t be disheartened.

In and about this time of year you’ll find all sorts of ghost and ghouls at UTM which will undoubtedly keep you on your toes. Don’t be surprised if you run into any of the following creatures around campus. If you stay an arm length away from them, they are unlikely to try to bite. Beware nevertheless of:

    1. Zombies. Also referred to as the Undead. They are typically characterized by their slow, stiff walk, and craving for human flesh. Several sightings have been reported in the Davis building, and one student confirms that, “They are becoming as numerous as the deer on campus.”


So far there has only been one casualty: a boy who got smacked in the face when a zombie spontaneously began to dance to Michael Jacksons’ thriller.

  1. A man dressed in a black morph suit has been reported to run through several lectures. It seems as though he is perfectly harmless, and his only goal is to disrupt classes, which, we all know, can be a welcome break during a tedious lecture. So if you see him in the halls, by all means, thank him for the unexpected breaks.

  2. Last and most common: The student after midterms. He or she may be mistaken for a zombie. But be warned! Don’t be too hasty in your judgement as a student after midterms is far more dangerous than any zombie.

The past several weeks have been difficult. The emotional rollercoaster of studying, stressing, writing a midterm, feeling elated for half an hour, then going back to studying, has taken a toll on everyone.

Thus, when midterms are finally over, this student will be in a very delicate, and unpredictable state; one subtle movement, and this student could screech, pounce, and tear your head off. Don’t approach this a student unless you’re assured that they’ve just had a minimum of 10 hours of sleep. Be careful not to mention the words, “midterm, grades, GPA, etc.” seeing as the mere thoughts of these subjects can send them into a violent frenzy. BEWARE.


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