Writing my first University Essay:

This is generally how it went:

I can write on one of these 5 books. Which shall I choose? (Saying “shall” instead of “should” makes me sound sophisticated. Perhaps this will help me in writing my essay. “Perhaps” also makes me sound sophisticated. Hmmm… I’m procrastinating already. Bad sign. Okay back to the essay.)

I’ve laid out the books on my table, and will proceed in turning around 5 times and pointing at one book with my eyes closed. Yes, that’s definitely the best way of ensuring I’ll have a lot of smart stuff to say. Actually considering the 5 prompts is too much work anyhow.

Ahh, my finger chose Waiting for Godot. Great choice finger! Ouch, I should repaint my nails, look at all those chips! Should I repaint them pink or red? Hmmmm….

Concentrate Hanna… Essay!

Turn on Microsoft Word… Where to start, where to start… Ahh yes.

“This play is making a profound statement about the human condition through the use of parallel structure. The symbolism describes the animism of the post-modernist conventions of the prehistoric existentialist movement.”

Spell check. Read it over. Sounds about right. I’ve definitely used enough big words. I don’t really understand what I’ve said, so here’s hoping my TA also won’t understand and will assume, by default, that I’m a genius essay-composing prodigy, and will give me 100%.

Ooohhh, Halloween candy! Smarties! Why do I never get any green smarties? Like honestly, there must be a deficit of green food colouring at the factory. Who should I eat next?! Red or yellow? RED OR YELLOW? I’ll eat purple because I’m SPONTANEOUS. Bet you didn’t see that one coming.

***RING RING RING RING

Who is that calling me? My classmate who I’ve talked to all through lecture today, and will talk with all through lecture tomorrow? YES! I definitely don’t have anything more productive to do than talk with her for an hour!

All that talking has made me so tired… NAP TIME. It’s only for half an hour. I swear.

Yawwwnnn. Oh ooops that was more like an hour and a half. Oh well. I’m hungry, let’s go to the kitchen. Ohhh look, it’s a fortune cookie! Well it must be fate that I have found you.

“You are welcome at any social gathering. Your lucky numbers are: 9, 14, 26, 53”

THIS ISN’T A FORTUNE! IT ISN’T PREDICTING ANYTHING!!!!!! They should hire me to write their fortunes. I’m such a good writer!

That’s right….. My essay….. Back to work.

“Furthermore, the play portrays philanthropic messages through its depiction of the scarcity of resources in war-ravaged France, symbolized by the character’s bowler hats, and depicts the contrasting images of a cornucopia of noteworthy playwrights.”

Sounds about right. I am very happy with my work. Any essay with the word “cornucopia” is a guaranteed A+. I think it’s time to call it a day.

 

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